Burnout and self-pressure: “I should be handling this better”

You’re exhausted...and now you’re criticizing yourself for it.

You open your laptop and stare at a task you’d normally finish without much trouble. Today, getting started feels difficult. Your first thought? “Come on. This shouldn’t be so hard.”

This is a pattern I pay attention to in therapy: someone is struggling, then judging themselves for struggling. Workplace stress is already taking a toll. Self-pressure adds, “You should be able to handle this.”

When we talk about burnout, we need to look at both the demands someone is facing and the expectations they’re holding themselves to.

Your mind is comparing today with a different situation

“I used to manage this. Why can’t I now?”

It’s a reasonable question, but it needs a fair comparison. Are you getting the same sleep? Carrying the same workload? Managing the same responsibilities? Having done something before doesn’t mean you have unlimited capacity to keep doing it.

CBT helps us examine the rules underneath that pressure: “I should always be productive.” “I shouldn’t need help.” “I need to fix myself so I can get back to normal.”

Those rules can make every sign of exhaustion feel like a personal failure. A more useful question is: “What’s affecting my capacity, and what needs to change?”

Emotionally, slowing down can feel uncomfortable

You may know you need rest and still feel guilty taking it. Sitting down gives you time to notice the worry: “I’m falling behind.” “Someone else is managing more.” “What if I disappoint people?”

Stress can also show up physically through muscle tension, disrupted sleep, or difficulty settling after work. Workplace burnout can involve exhaustion, growing detachment or cynicism toward work, and feeling less effective.

There may be sadness here, too. It’s frustrating when things that once felt manageable now take so much effort. We can acknowledge that without using your previous capacity as a standard you must immediately return to.

How we work with burnout and self-pressure in therapy

I start by looking at what’s actually happening. What’s being asked of you? What control do you have? What support is missing? We also notice where perfectionism or fear of disappointing people makes it harder to set limits.

With CBT, we might test a belief through a small change: asking your manager which task takes priority, taking your lunch break, or finishing a lower-stakes task without repeatedly improving it.

Somatic, or body-based, practices can help you notice and respond to stress earlier. Unclench your jaw. Feel the chair supporting you. Take a brief walk or let your breathing settle at a comfortable pace. These practices may help with regulation, while workload, boundaries, and practical support still need attention.

Self-care starts before everything is finished

If rest is only allowed once you’ve caught up, it may never happen.

Start with care you can repeat: eating regularly, protecting time for sleep, moving in a way that feels manageable, and leaving some space between demands. Self-compassion also means adjusting expectations when your circumstances change.

Try replacing “I should be handling this better” with “I’m having a hard time. What would help me handle this?”

That question gives us somewhere to work. In my virtual therapy practice for adults in Ontario, I support clients with stress, burnout, and self-criticism, including the pressure to keep functioning as though nothing’s wrong.